


Day 9: Shopping for Gifts

by Venusdoom3



Series: 25 Days of Stucky Christmas Challenge [9]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 25 days of Christmas challenge, Christmas Presents, M/M, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Natasha is a Pervert, Semi-Innocent Bucky, Sex Shop, Shopping, mystery gift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 14:12:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venusdoom3/pseuds/Venusdoom3
Summary: "How about this?"Bucky glanced up from the package in his hands to find Natasha waving a bright pink dildo in a clamshell package at him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It scared me a little to realize how much of this stuff I already knew about. ...yay me?

** Day 9: Shopping for Gifts **

"How about this?"

Bucky glanced up from the package in his hands to find Natasha waving a bright pink dildo in a clamshell package at him. "For Steve? No way."

Nat raised an eyebrow. "Aw, too much for Cap to handle?"

Bucky laughed. "Hell, no. Not enough. I'm bigger than that."

"How about for you then?"

"Pfft – what would I do with that puny thing when my guy's hung like a horse?"

"Good to know." Nat nodded, impressed. "If you guys ever make a sex tape, you better let me screen it."

Bucky set down the package he was holding – what the hell would anybody want an inflatable sheep for, anyway? – and smirked at her. "You're not helping, y'know. It was your idea to shop here in the first place–"

" _You're_ the one who needed a sexy Christmas Eve present for Steve," Nat fired back. It was true, but Bucky had no idea what he was getting himself into by asking Nat to help. She didn't even try to ease him into it, preferring to go full bore or not at all, which is how Bucky found himself at Rainbow Station in Manhattan on a Friday evening, staring, mystified, at packages containing edible panties and fur-covered handcuffs and disembodied rubber asses with openings for unthinkable purposes. 

"C'mon, Barnes," Nat called, beckoning for him to follow her to another area of the store, where a wall boasted several locked glass cases. "This is where the real hardcore stuff is," she said, sticking her hands in the back pockets of her tight jeans and rocking back on her sneakered heels, clearly suppressing the Cheshire cat grin that wanted to spread across her face.

"Hardcore," Bucky repeated, frowning through the glass at the metal and leather contraptions on display. "What the hell is all this?"

"Let's see..." Nat touches her lips with her fingertip, scanning the case, before pointing at one frightening item. "That's a human muzzle–"

"Like you'd put on a dog?" Bucky asked, aghast, and Nat grinned, patting his shoulder.

"Hang in there, kiddo. We've only just begun. So anyway, this one's a latex fisting mitt, this is a male chastity belt–"

"That looks fucking _painful_."

"—this one's a glass dildo shaped like an orca's junk," Nat continued, ignoring him.

" _Why_?"

"Here's an anal speculum, just in case you and Cap ever want to play doctor and make it feel authentic–"

Bucky staggered back a step. "Ugh! No!"

Giggling, Nat soldiers on. "Maybe you'd rather try the Lycra body binder sack? One of you gets in this shapeless bag thing, the other one ties him up in it, and then... I don't know what next, honestly."

"Jesus _Christ._ "

"Over here are the butt plugs with tails," she said, casual as could be, gesturing toward a selection of rubber plugs with, indeed, various animal tails attached. "You could play fox, kitty, bunny-rabbit, pig–"

"And the tails just hang outta your, uh–"

"Apparently. Not really my thing, although I might ask Bruce to try the Gates of Hell, here." They both examine the contraption bearing a series of concentric metal rings bound together with a strip of leather.

"What the fuck _for_?"

"He's got a really nice dick," she said with a shrug. "He'd look hot as hell in that."

"I don't even want to _try_ to imagine it." Bucky swiped a hand down his face.

"Then there's this one. Prince Albert's Wand. Huh." Even Natasha looked stumped, but only until she whipped out her cell phone and Googled it. "Oh-ho-ho, _my_. Barnes, you're going to love this."

"Do I really want to know?"

"Probably not, but I'm going to tell you anyway." She winked, her cat-green eyes sparkling with mirth, which meant it must be _really_ bad. "I'll spare you the description from the website and just give you the gist of it: you jam it down your dickhole."

At Bucky's expression of horror, Nat doubled over with laughter, bracing her hands on her knees, crimson curls spilling over her face. "That's it!" Bucky cried. "I'm going to look at the underwear. It's safer."

"You'd be surprised!"

Cringing so hard it was nearly painful, Bucky scurried off, passing by an entire aisle dedicated to condoms, another to lubes of every composition and flavor imaginable – Bucky made a mental note to visit that one before they left – and a wall of cock rings topped by a row of gas masks, which he vowed _not_ to ask about. He made it into the clothing section without further trauma and gravitated toward an enormous, free-standing rack laden with more men's underwear than Bucky had assumed existed on the planet.

Eyes wide and decidedly wary, Bucky scanned the rack, taking note of briefs, boxers, boxer briefs, trunks, bikinis, jock straps, and even what looked like G-strings. Steve was generally a boxer briefs kinda guy – they didn't bunch up like boxers or ride up like briefs, they were supportive but stylish, and they were snug enough to showcase his incomparable ass – but, as Bucky perused the rack, he paused by the trunks, pondering their design and logistics. They looked like a shorter version of what Steve wore, but not short enough to be considered briefs.

Bucky was certain he had never spent quite as much time pondering underwear in his life.

Flicking through the hangers on the rack, Bucky dismissed each pair he came to, but one of them gave him pause and put a crease between his eyebrows. It would be a gamble; that was for damn sure. He continued flipping through the rack, but his free hand remained on the hanger for that particular pair; he couldn't quite bring himself to reject them, especially when his brain refused to stop picturing Steve wearing them. By God, he had a hard time believing there was anything else he'd rather see.

"Let's see." Before he could snatch back his hand, Natasha plucked the underwear in question from the hanger and held them in front her, examining them front and back, before she returned her gaze to Bucky, who only then realized he was holding his breath. "These are fucking hot," she said with a nod. "I can't speak for his junk, although you've painted quite the mental picture for me, but his ass will look _fantastic_ in them."

"Fuck yeah, it will." Bucky didn't even try to curb the dreamy smile that drifted over his face, and Nat shook her head in amusement.

"C'mon. I'm sure you need to stock up on lube before we leave."

It was eerie the way she could read him sometimes.

**

"So," Steve said later, looking expectantly at Bucky and then at Natasha as the three of them ate Thai takeout while sprawled around the living room in the Brooklyn brownstone he and Bucky called home. "Should I ask what you two were shopping for, or would that give it away?"

Nat exchanged a look with Bucky before smiling at Steve. "We can't tell you exactly, but I can tell you it'll be my sincere pleasure to help you pick out a present for your honey bunny."

Bucky looked at Steve, wide-eyed. "Trust me, Stevie; you'll need her help."

"And good news," Nat added with a half-smile. "My services are free of charge, but remember: I'm the first one to get a copy if you guys ever make a sex tape."

The look of confusion on Steve's face when Bucky and Nat burst into laughter almost made everything Bucky had learned that evening worth it, although he might consider another mind wipe if it'd help him forget about that wand doohickey.

**

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [tumblr](http://venusdoom3.tumblr.com) if you like, and please leave comments and kudos if you enjoy the fic!


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